And this is why I love community college

I'd like to take a moment to share with you two conversations that I had today.

So today I got to my history class 5 or so minutes early, sat down in my usual seat and pulled out my notes to review for the quiz that we were going to be taking later in the class period. I was just sitting there minding my own business, looking at my notes when all of a sudden this kid sits down next to me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn to face him and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Can I help you?"

Random Boy: "Hi, yeah, I was just wondering if you knew where I could get some weed?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

R.B: "You know, pot. Where do you get yours?"

Me: "I have no idea where you got the idea that I smoke weed, but I don't. You'll have to ask someone else."

R.B: "For reals? I'm sorry... this is really awkward... you just look like someone who would know where to get it."

Me: "Umm... no, I don't"

R.B: "Ok well thanks anyways."

Me: "Yeah, uh huh... no problem..."

After class was over I went to the counseling center to meet with a counselor about transfering to BYU next year. I walked up to the desk, signed in and then sat down to wait for my name to be called. The next thing I know another random kid sits down next to me and after a few minutes he turns to face me and this is the conversation that followed:

Random Boy #2: "Hi, I'm Mark. What's your name?"

Me: "Hi, I'm Brooke."

R.B.2: "What are you here for?"

Me: "I just need to make sure I have everything I need to transfer next year."

R.B.2: "Oh, cool, where are you planning on transfering to?"

Me: "BYU"

R.B.2: "Isn't that a Mormon school?"

Me: "Yeah..."

R.B.2: "You're not Mormon are you?"

Me: "Yeah..."

R.B.2: "Hmm... weird. You don't seem friendly enough to be a Mormon. All the Mormons I know are like bursting at the seams with friendliness... and you're not. No offense or anything."

Me: "Oh. I don't really know what to say to that. I can assure you that I am Mormon.. sorry to disappoint you with my non-friendliness. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

R.B.2: "Alright, well it was nice chatting with you Brooke. Good luck with BYU!"

Me: "Yeah, thanks."

So in the span of 2 hours I learned that I look like a stoner and that I'm not nice enough to be Mormon- from two complete strangers nonetheless. Wonderful. I'd just like to make it clear that I am NOT a burn-out and that I actually am a fairly nice individual (I just have a tendency to look mean when I'm thinking- I got it from my mom)- just in case you had any doubts :)

When life gets you down...

there's nothing like crude talking puppets to bring you back up.

If terrorists don't do it for you, there's always grumpy old men...

Friendship test

I want one of these... really bad.

If someone wanted to prove to me that they really value my friendship they would have one rush delivered to my house ASAP. I think the sage green would look best with my skin tone, but I'll happily take any color. If a snuggie hasn't appeared on my doorstep within a week I'll know that I don't have any real friends. Thanks in advance :)

I should really write self help books for a living

Recently I have come to realize three things that have made my life a gazillion times (this is not an exaggeration) easier and happier. Perhaps my little realizations will help you out too. And let's be honest, everyone could use a little help these days :)

1. Being in complete control of every situation is boring and overrated.

2. Thinking that you can deal with every problem by yourself and consequently bottling up all your emotions inside is not healthy. It's okay to ask people for help and show some emotion- This was a BIG one for me.

3.  Change is not always a bad thing. Seriously.

Now if you had gone to a shrink, you would have been told the exact same thing, but with fancier words and all sorts of "how do you feel about that" types of questions thrown in every other sentence, and then gotten a lovely bill a week later. Don't ask me how I know this, but I do. You can feel good knowing that you got it for free and in words you can understand. I know, I know, my kindness even surprises me sometimes :)

Attention Cupid

Dear Cupid,

Since you have such a hard time finding me a decent man (i.e. one that doesn't lead me on, randomly stop talking to me and/or make-out with another girl because "it sounded like fun") I thought I'd help you out this year. Instead of asking for a sappy boyfriend, all I want is a new pair of shoes-preferably grey patent leather high heels with a peep toe and a 4 inch heel- but hey, I'm not picky. That's SO much easier than finding Mr. Perfect. You can thank me later.

Sincerely,

Brooke Bond

P.S. But if you just happen to stumble across the perfect man (i.e. a smart, good looking, funny, charming one with a killer fashion sense and defined jaw line) I guess I could take him off your hands. I mean, I wouldn't want a guy like that to go to waste or anything. I included a picture so you'll know him when you see him.

Weekend of Fun

Once upon a time there was a girl named Brooke. One weekend Brooke went to visit her amazing friend Rachel at UCLA. She had a wonderful weekend filled with many adventures. She saw a celebrity (one of the girls from the new 90210), ate her weight in Pinkberry frozen yogurt, saw her long lost cousin Kelly, bought some super cute new dresses, encountered some ridiculously good looking UCLA water polo players and walked up more hills than she cared to count. Brooke had a fabulous time and was very sad when it was time for her to return to her home in Sacramento. The End.

P.S.  I couldn't figure out how to include this in my story while giving it the justice that it deserves so I'm just going to add it here as a little treat :) Look closely at the picture below. Notice anything funny or strange??

Despite the fact that it's a terrible picture, (for this I blame Rachel who refused to take the picture even though she had the best view and who wouldn't trade spots with me so I could get a better shot) if you look closely you can see that this chick's pants are all the way below her bum! Add to this the fact that she was going completely commando and as a result was sitting bare bummed on the bus bench and you've got one amusing situation. And as if that wasn't enough to make me laugh hysterically for the rest of the bus ride, when this girl got up to leave her pants stayed down there and the whole bus was given a full view of her derrière  while she walked off. Call me immature, but this could quite possibly be one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. 

But seriously, how do you not notice that your pants are completely off?? Believe me, you can tell when your pants are riding low in the back and you'd think you would really be able to tell if when you sat down you your butt came into direct contact with a cold plastic seat. And how do you not wear underwear with jeans? Not only is that gross but it has to be ridiculously uncomfortable. But whatever, I got a good laugh out of it so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Brooke Bass has a nice ring to it...

Dear Chuck Bass,

Will you marry me?

Love,
Brooke

Quote of the Day:

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing- it was here first." -Mark Twain

Happy Day!

When I'm bored I go to Target, and I find myself bored quite a bit these days so Target has become my second home. In the past month I have probably spent at least 25 hours in that store- no, I'm not kidding- wandering aimlessly through the aisles and more than likely finding myself something I feel the need to buy. Some of the employees know me by now and the security guards now nod in recognition when I walk in... this fact would make most people sit back and seriously reconsider how they spend their free time, but I'm not one of those people. By now I have seen everything in the store and probably go there out of habit more than anything else.

So yesterday when I pulled into the parking lot I was prepared to see the same old stuff and not find anything that would really excite me. I walked through the automatic entrance doors, nodded to the security guard (it was Paul-who just happens to be my favorite) and made my way to the make-up section. As I was walking I happened to look over at the new releases in the book department and what I saw there literally made me squeal with excitement (the lady who was walking next to me gave me a look that was unlike any other look I have ever received) and scamper giddily over to the book display. If you know me at all you know that it takes A LOT to make me squeal with excitement, let alone scamper. So what did I see that caused this extremely rare burst of excitement you ask? Let me show you- it'll be much more effective than if I just told you. Ready? TA DA!

My hero, Clinton Kelly (of What Not To Wear fame) has written a book. Did your heart skip a beat too (mine does every time I think about it)? Even if I had no idea who Clinton Kelly was I would have bought it just because of the title- but since I know exactly who he is I not only bought it, I read it immediately and told everyone I know about my amazing discovery. I'm seriously considering going back and buying a zillion copies to give everyone for their birthdays this year because it's not fair for me to be the only who becomes "freakin' fabulous" and "generally better than everyone else."

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways, this book is AMAZING. The world is a better place with this piece of literary genius in it. I'm in love with it and think everyone else should be in love with it as well. Here are just a few of my favorite Clinton-isms that can be found within the pages of this gift from the fashion gods:

"You might have a beautiful red minidress that fits you perfectly, and all of your accessories may be perfectly proportional. But if you wear that red minidress to your 86-year-old lover's funeral you are a hosebag."

"So, I want you to forget everything your momma taught you about how to dress yourself. I am your new mama. But you can call me Big Daddy... I like that."

"If the bathroom that will be used by your guests is not absolutely spotless, you will quickly get a reputation as a dirty birdy. And then, nobody will eat the food you've made because they're afraid of catching hepatitis."

"Party Bathroom Essentials: 1) A scented candle- Just in case- God forbid- someone makes a doodie. 2) Paper Hand Towels- Nobody wants to use the same terry-cloth towel as that guy who made a doodie...."

"I'd serve these if I had a bunch of straight guys coming over to watch football or talk about breasts."

"Gin has made me do a lot of stupid things, but I forgive it."

"If you see them touch tongues, I give you permission to hurl dinner rolls at their heads. The next time you get this horned up in public, please just go have sex in the bathroom like everyone else."

If that's not enough to make you want to immediately go out and buy this book, you probably should go seek professional help :)

Quote of the Day:

"Be curious, not judgmental." -Walt Whitman

The first month is always the hardest

It has been one month since my last diet coke and since Bryanne left for spain. I'm happy to report that my withdrawal headaches are gone and I have not become a total hermit.

It's official, I can survive anything.

 

Quote of the Day:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -Buddha