When I'm bored I go to Target, and I find myself bored quite a bit these days so Target has become my second home. In the past month I have probably spent at least 25 hours in that store- no, I'm not kidding- wandering aimlessly through the aisles and more than likely finding myself something I feel the need to buy. Some of the employees know me by now and the security guards now nod in recognition when I walk in... this fact would make most people sit back and seriously reconsider how they spend their free time, but I'm not one of those people. By now I have seen everything in the store and probably go there out of habit more than anything else.
So yesterday when I pulled into the parking lot I was prepared to see the same old stuff and not find anything that would really excite me. I walked through the automatic entrance doors, nodded to the security guard (it was Paul-who just happens to be my favorite) and made my way to the make-up section. As I was walking I happened to look over at the new releases in the book department and what I saw there literally made me squeal with excitement (the lady who was walking next to me gave me a look that was unlike any other look I have ever received) and scamper giddily over to the book display. If you know me at all you know that it takes A LOT to make me squeal with excitement, let alone scamper. So what did I see that caused this extremely rare burst of excitement you ask? Let me show you- it'll be much more effective than if I just told you. Ready? TA DA!
My hero, Clinton Kelly (of What Not To Wear fame) has written a book. Did your heart skip a beat too (mine does every time I think about it)? Even if I had no idea who Clinton Kelly was I would have bought it just because of the title- but since I know exactly who he is I not only bought it, I read it immediately and told everyone I know about my amazing discovery. I'm seriously considering going back and buying a zillion copies to give everyone for their birthdays this year because it's not fair for me to be the only who becomes "freakin' fabulous" and "generally better than everyone else."
It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways, this book is AMAZING. The world is a better place with this piece of literary genius in it. I'm in love with it and think everyone else should be in love with it as well. Here are just a few of my favorite Clinton-isms that can be found within the pages of this gift from the fashion gods:
"You might have a beautiful red minidress that fits you perfectly, and all of your accessories may be perfectly proportional. But if you wear that red minidress to your 86-year-old lover's funeral you are a hosebag."
"So, I want you to forget everything your momma taught you about how to dress yourself. I am your new mama. But you can call me Big Daddy... I like that."
"If the bathroom that will be used by your guests is not absolutely spotless, you will quickly get a reputation as a dirty birdy. And then, nobody will eat the food you've made because they're afraid of catching hepatitis."
"Party Bathroom Essentials: 1) A scented candle- Just in case- God forbid- someone makes a doodie. 2) Paper Hand Towels- Nobody wants to use the same terry-cloth towel as that guy who made a doodie...."
"I'd serve these if I had a bunch of straight guys coming over to watch football or talk about breasts."
"Gin has made me do a lot of stupid things, but I forgive it."
"If you see them touch tongues, I give you permission to hurl dinner rolls at their heads. The next time you get this horned up in public, please just go have sex in the bathroom like everyone else."
If that's not enough to make you want to immediately go out and buy this book, you probably should go seek professional help :)
Quote of the Day:
"Be curious, not judgmental." -Walt Whitman
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