Reunited and It Feels So Good.

Well hello again! After a long hiatus, I've decided to give this whole blogging thing another try. The blogging world-well, the four members of it that actually read this-could use a little bit more Brooke right? Well, maybe not, but I'm back to rant and rave and share my ridiculous opinions regardless.

A lot has happened in my world since my last post (a long and angry address towards the male sex and their selfish ways) and I think I'll take a few moments to share it all with you :)

After school got out in early May I jumped right in to my job as the Aquatics Manager for Arden Manor Recreation and Park District. For those of you who don't know where that is, well, it's in the ghetto. My mom tells me I should refer to the surrounding neighborhood as "lower income" or "a bit run down." That Tami Bond, always the optimist. I myself, see it like it is. It's in the ghetto. Every day while walking through the park to get to the pool I would hear "ohhh hey girlll, how you doin?" or "dammmmn girl, you lookin good in dat swimsuit" or "you wanna come save my life? I'm down with dat mouth to mouth." And then there's my all time favorite "AYYYYY MA! you come back to my house and be my personal lifeguard and I'll pay you double what you make a dat pool. You feelin' me?" Ayy ma? Really? What does that even mean? Needless to say, I got really good at ignoring large groups of rude and crude street vermin. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my job and spent more hours than I care to admit at that pool where I was word-raped everyday. By August I had mastered the "stink eye" and could literally stop a kid from running on the pool deck with one look. My staff was fantastic and despite the fact that several of them admitted towards the end of the season that I scared them to death at the beginning, we all became extremely close by the end. The pool was only invaded by the "Brown Trout", otherwise known as poop, three times this summer. Considering the fact that last summer it happened at least eight times, we were incredibly happy with the improvement. Just in case you were wondering, getting poop out of a 10-foot deep pool is not an easy or enjoyable task. Not only does it involve having to handle someone else's fecal matter, but whoever is "lucky" enough to have to get it gets the nickname "Poo Diver" for at least 2 weeks after the ordeal. Poor soul.

On top of working at the pool 40+ hours a week I was lucky enough to watch my cousins Lilly and Quinn a few days a week while their mom was at work. Call me a loser, but spending time with them is probably one of my favorite things to do. The fact that I get paid to do it is the icing on the cake. I still can't believe how big they have gotten. I remember the day Lilly was born and now she's almost 10! I see so much of my self in little miss Lilly. She is a budding fashionista with an absolutely wicked sense of humor and a strong personality that is all her own, which could not make me any happier. Quinn is the nicest and most loving kid EVER and the fact that he still snuggles with me thrills me to death. He is hysterical and outgoing and wonderful. They are the loves of my life and my days with them are always fantastic.

My social life over the past few months has been nonexistent. I'm really not exaggerating. You know those girls that always say "Oh my gosh I am such a LOSER. I never go out, I never get asked on dates and I don't have any friends!" but who actually just want attention and actually do go out and be social? Well, I am not one of those girls. I literally spend my evenings at home, alone, in my room watching Nick at Night while eating ice cream out of the carton. My own mother asked me not too long ago if I have any friends. Yes, I do have friends. We all just happen to be ridiculously busy and when we're not we are all just too tired to do anything. I have learned to look at the situation as a chance to learn more about myself and reflect on who I am becoming as a person. In reality, I've just gained 5 pounds from eating ice cream and have seen every episode of Roseanne ever made.

I also turned 20 this summer. Madness. I'm still not sure how I feel about this transition out of the teens and into real adult life. Part of me loves the fact that I am getting to the point in my life where I will meet my future husband and start a career and actually do something with my life. But another part of me is absolutely terrified by the whole thing. I mean, there is a chance that I will never find someone to share the rest of my life with and that my life will not turn out exactly like it is written in my "life plan" (yes, I actually have one of those and yes, I realize that having a specific plan for my life written in extreme detail, including but not limited to: dates, places, the color of my bridesmaids dresses and my husbands salary down to the penny is extremely OCD and and a recipe for disappointment). I suppose all I can do is go about living my life as best as I know how and just hope for the best.

I started school at American River College again a few weeks ago and just when I though good ol' ARC couldn't get any better, it does. Not only could I not get all the classes I wanted due to the freaking budget cuts, there are at least 15 more students in every one of my classes than there were last semester. Great. I am now surrounded by even more people who don't even take the time to shower or change out of their pajamas before they come to class. I really don't understand how people can go out in public knowing full well that they look like crap. Yes, I realize how shallow and judgmental that sounds, but come on! Take 5 minutes to brush your hair and to find a shirt that actually matches your pants. It's not hard. Oh, and if one more person blows smoke in my face while I'm walking through campus I will lose it. GAHHH! On top of a campus full of students that closely resemble the creatures you would find at Wal Mart after 10 o'clock PM, one of my teachers speaks very broken English and another is 75 years old and in a wheel chair and talks about how much he hates Obama every. single. day. The cherry on the sundae is the conversation I heard while I was eavesdropping in the quad last wednesday. It went something like: "When I get stressed I do Meth. You should try it." "I don't know man, meth messes you up. Coke is way safer." Golly, it's a good thing I learned that!

And that my friends, brings us up to date. If you actually read all of that, I applaud you. Despite any pessimistic tones you may have picked up while reading The Biography of Brooke, I am actually very happy and content with how things are looking for me at this moment in time. Like I said earlier, I am just living my life as best as I know how and doing my best to stay positive no matter how big of a train wreck my life seems to be at times.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I'm still a man hater, but am becoming less and less bitter everyday.

One last thing, if you are reading this and go to ARC, please don't be offended. Obviously not everyone who goes to school there looks like they live under a bridge and/or comes out of a swamp after the sun goes down. I just tend to take the negative extremes and run with them. It's just part of my sparkling personality that makes me such a hit with people :)

Swine flu doesn't come from pigs- it comes from men. It's easy to mix the two up.

Warning: If you want to read a fun, lighthearted blog entry and/or you are a male that is easily offended by criticism, skip this blog and come back tomorrow.

I'm going to be quite blunt and cut right to the chase. Lately I have witnessed and experienced many things that have left me extremely disgusted and disappointed with the male sex. Now before you roll your eyes and think "Oh geeze Brooke get over yourself and your petty reasons for hating men" at least hear me out- I'm working on being less judgmental so I expect the same of you, especially since this is my blog and as far I'm concerned my word is law as long as you are reading this.

I am lucky enough to know some truly amazing and beautiful women, who as far as I am concerned deserve nothing but the best and should be treated with the utmost respect. I am extremely picky about who I will be friends with- I have lots of acquaintances and very few friends- so the people I do consider to be my friends have in my eyes proven themselves to be good and worthwhile individuals who just also happen to be beautiful on the outside as well. Once you've made it into my friend club (and yes, it is as cool as it sounds... we have a secret handshake and everything) I will do anything for you. I am fiercely protective of my friends and when people screw my friends over I don't respond kindly to it.

This leads me back to my topic of the day. Lately the people who have been doing the hurting and consequently pissing me off are, drum-roll please, MEN. Notice how I use the word "men" and not "boys"- the males I am referring to are all over the age of 18 and therefore are adults who should be expected to handle situations in a mature and responsible manner. This however is not at all the case. Since when did it become acceptable to just stop talking and ignore someone completely when you are "over it" and move on without even a simple "this isn't working for me"? If you're thinking "oh that doesn't happen" I can assure you that it does. And any girl that has ever had this happen to them will tell you that it's probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Or even worse, when did lying become acceptable? Or when did it suddenly become okay to use people to fill up a boring time in your life and then simply toss them aside when something better comes along? That reminds me of something a certain someone said not to long ago, and I quote "It's nice to have someone around when life is boring. But when things get exciting again I'm not going to keep them around." Wow. Real classy. I know guys like to make-out/do other intimate things that I won't mention, but seriously you're willing to potentially really hurt someone just to get some action? In the "Book of Brooke"- yes it exists- that is NEVER ok, and yet I've seen it happen time and time again. And if you're reading this and happen to be a man and are thinking none of the things I just mentioned are acceptable then please explain to my why you insist on doing them. Please. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the subject.

The thing that really blows my mind is that the specific individuals that I am referring to are not at the type that one would expect to do this sort of thing. They are all intelligent, successful and seemingly nice guys who come from good families and have strong morals. They are the type of guy that every girl dreams of marrying... or at least they appear to be. So why then do they feel the need to act in such a disrespectful and immature manner? Why do they think it's okay to be hurtful and disregard the feelings of other? Do they not realize that their actions effect other people, or do they just not care? Or maybe they really don't mean to be hurtful and just don't know how to deal with potentially awkward/emotional situations. Either way I find the whole thing to be discouraging and nauseating.

So in case you haven't already guessed I am not a big fan of men at this point in my life... unless his name happens to be Ed Westwick or Adam Lambert. Call me crazy, but I'm just not that fond of getting shafted and left with nothing but a hurt heart and a sour taste in my mouth.

Oh, and I know that this whole entry has been a major generalization so I apologize if you are a good guy who has never done anything to deserve being put in my "mean man" group. I speak for girls everywhere when I say that I love you and wish there were more of you and beg you to keep on being nice.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Blogging withdrawals

My life is boring and I have nothing to blog about these days. Sad :( Someone please come spice up my life.

On a more positive note, Bryanne will be home in something like 20 days. Woot Woot!

And this is why I love community college

I'd like to take a moment to share with you two conversations that I had today.

So today I got to my history class 5 or so minutes early, sat down in my usual seat and pulled out my notes to review for the quiz that we were going to be taking later in the class period. I was just sitting there minding my own business, looking at my notes when all of a sudden this kid sits down next to me and taps me on the shoulder. I turn to face him and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Can I help you?"

Random Boy: "Hi, yeah, I was just wondering if you knew where I could get some weed?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

R.B: "You know, pot. Where do you get yours?"

Me: "I have no idea where you got the idea that I smoke weed, but I don't. You'll have to ask someone else."

R.B: "For reals? I'm sorry... this is really awkward... you just look like someone who would know where to get it."

Me: "Umm... no, I don't"

R.B: "Ok well thanks anyways."

Me: "Yeah, uh huh... no problem..."

After class was over I went to the counseling center to meet with a counselor about transfering to BYU next year. I walked up to the desk, signed in and then sat down to wait for my name to be called. The next thing I know another random kid sits down next to me and after a few minutes he turns to face me and this is the conversation that followed:

Random Boy #2: "Hi, I'm Mark. What's your name?"

Me: "Hi, I'm Brooke."

R.B.2: "What are you here for?"

Me: "I just need to make sure I have everything I need to transfer next year."

R.B.2: "Oh, cool, where are you planning on transfering to?"

Me: "BYU"

R.B.2: "Isn't that a Mormon school?"

Me: "Yeah..."

R.B.2: "You're not Mormon are you?"

Me: "Yeah..."

R.B.2: "Hmm... weird. You don't seem friendly enough to be a Mormon. All the Mormons I know are like bursting at the seams with friendliness... and you're not. No offense or anything."

Me: "Oh. I don't really know what to say to that. I can assure you that I am Mormon.. sorry to disappoint you with my non-friendliness. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go."

R.B.2: "Alright, well it was nice chatting with you Brooke. Good luck with BYU!"

Me: "Yeah, thanks."

So in the span of 2 hours I learned that I look like a stoner and that I'm not nice enough to be Mormon- from two complete strangers nonetheless. Wonderful. I'd just like to make it clear that I am NOT a burn-out and that I actually am a fairly nice individual (I just have a tendency to look mean when I'm thinking- I got it from my mom)- just in case you had any doubts :)

When life gets you down...

there's nothing like crude talking puppets to bring you back up.

If terrorists don't do it for you, there's always grumpy old men...

Friendship test

I want one of these... really bad.

If someone wanted to prove to me that they really value my friendship they would have one rush delivered to my house ASAP. I think the sage green would look best with my skin tone, but I'll happily take any color. If a snuggie hasn't appeared on my doorstep within a week I'll know that I don't have any real friends. Thanks in advance :)

I should really write self help books for a living

Recently I have come to realize three things that have made my life a gazillion times (this is not an exaggeration) easier and happier. Perhaps my little realizations will help you out too. And let's be honest, everyone could use a little help these days :)

1. Being in complete control of every situation is boring and overrated.

2. Thinking that you can deal with every problem by yourself and consequently bottling up all your emotions inside is not healthy. It's okay to ask people for help and show some emotion- This was a BIG one for me.

3.  Change is not always a bad thing. Seriously.

Now if you had gone to a shrink, you would have been told the exact same thing, but with fancier words and all sorts of "how do you feel about that" types of questions thrown in every other sentence, and then gotten a lovely bill a week later. Don't ask me how I know this, but I do. You can feel good knowing that you got it for free and in words you can understand. I know, I know, my kindness even surprises me sometimes :)

Attention Cupid

Dear Cupid,

Since you have such a hard time finding me a decent man (i.e. one that doesn't lead me on, randomly stop talking to me and/or make-out with another girl because "it sounded like fun") I thought I'd help you out this year. Instead of asking for a sappy boyfriend, all I want is a new pair of shoes-preferably grey patent leather high heels with a peep toe and a 4 inch heel- but hey, I'm not picky. That's SO much easier than finding Mr. Perfect. You can thank me later.

Sincerely,

Brooke Bond

P.S. But if you just happen to stumble across the perfect man (i.e. a smart, good looking, funny, charming one with a killer fashion sense and defined jaw line) I guess I could take him off your hands. I mean, I wouldn't want a guy like that to go to waste or anything. I included a picture so you'll know him when you see him.

Weekend of Fun

Once upon a time there was a girl named Brooke. One weekend Brooke went to visit her amazing friend Rachel at UCLA. She had a wonderful weekend filled with many adventures. She saw a celebrity (one of the girls from the new 90210), ate her weight in Pinkberry frozen yogurt, saw her long lost cousin Kelly, bought some super cute new dresses, encountered some ridiculously good looking UCLA water polo players and walked up more hills than she cared to count. Brooke had a fabulous time and was very sad when it was time for her to return to her home in Sacramento. The End.

P.S.  I couldn't figure out how to include this in my story while giving it the justice that it deserves so I'm just going to add it here as a little treat :) Look closely at the picture below. Notice anything funny or strange??

Despite the fact that it's a terrible picture, (for this I blame Rachel who refused to take the picture even though she had the best view and who wouldn't trade spots with me so I could get a better shot) if you look closely you can see that this chick's pants are all the way below her bum! Add to this the fact that she was going completely commando and as a result was sitting bare bummed on the bus bench and you've got one amusing situation. And as if that wasn't enough to make me laugh hysterically for the rest of the bus ride, when this girl got up to leave her pants stayed down there and the whole bus was given a full view of her derrière  while she walked off. Call me immature, but this could quite possibly be one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. 

But seriously, how do you not notice that your pants are completely off?? Believe me, you can tell when your pants are riding low in the back and you'd think you would really be able to tell if when you sat down you your butt came into direct contact with a cold plastic seat. And how do you not wear underwear with jeans? Not only is that gross but it has to be ridiculously uncomfortable. But whatever, I got a good laugh out of it so I guess I shouldn't complain.

Brooke Bass has a nice ring to it...

Dear Chuck Bass,

Will you marry me?

Love,
Brooke

Quote of the Day:

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing- it was here first." -Mark Twain

Happy Day!

When I'm bored I go to Target, and I find myself bored quite a bit these days so Target has become my second home. In the past month I have probably spent at least 25 hours in that store- no, I'm not kidding- wandering aimlessly through the aisles and more than likely finding myself something I feel the need to buy. Some of the employees know me by now and the security guards now nod in recognition when I walk in... this fact would make most people sit back and seriously reconsider how they spend their free time, but I'm not one of those people. By now I have seen everything in the store and probably go there out of habit more than anything else.

So yesterday when I pulled into the parking lot I was prepared to see the same old stuff and not find anything that would really excite me. I walked through the automatic entrance doors, nodded to the security guard (it was Paul-who just happens to be my favorite) and made my way to the make-up section. As I was walking I happened to look over at the new releases in the book department and what I saw there literally made me squeal with excitement (the lady who was walking next to me gave me a look that was unlike any other look I have ever received) and scamper giddily over to the book display. If you know me at all you know that it takes A LOT to make me squeal with excitement, let alone scamper. So what did I see that caused this extremely rare burst of excitement you ask? Let me show you- it'll be much more effective than if I just told you. Ready? TA DA!

My hero, Clinton Kelly (of What Not To Wear fame) has written a book. Did your heart skip a beat too (mine does every time I think about it)? Even if I had no idea who Clinton Kelly was I would have bought it just because of the title- but since I know exactly who he is I not only bought it, I read it immediately and told everyone I know about my amazing discovery. I'm seriously considering going back and buying a zillion copies to give everyone for their birthdays this year because it's not fair for me to be the only who becomes "freakin' fabulous" and "generally better than everyone else."

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyways, this book is AMAZING. The world is a better place with this piece of literary genius in it. I'm in love with it and think everyone else should be in love with it as well. Here are just a few of my favorite Clinton-isms that can be found within the pages of this gift from the fashion gods:

"You might have a beautiful red minidress that fits you perfectly, and all of your accessories may be perfectly proportional. But if you wear that red minidress to your 86-year-old lover's funeral you are a hosebag."

"So, I want you to forget everything your momma taught you about how to dress yourself. I am your new mama. But you can call me Big Daddy... I like that."

"If the bathroom that will be used by your guests is not absolutely spotless, you will quickly get a reputation as a dirty birdy. And then, nobody will eat the food you've made because they're afraid of catching hepatitis."

"Party Bathroom Essentials: 1) A scented candle- Just in case- God forbid- someone makes a doodie. 2) Paper Hand Towels- Nobody wants to use the same terry-cloth towel as that guy who made a doodie...."

"I'd serve these if I had a bunch of straight guys coming over to watch football or talk about breasts."

"Gin has made me do a lot of stupid things, but I forgive it."

"If you see them touch tongues, I give you permission to hurl dinner rolls at their heads. The next time you get this horned up in public, please just go have sex in the bathroom like everyone else."

If that's not enough to make you want to immediately go out and buy this book, you probably should go seek professional help :)

Quote of the Day:

"Be curious, not judgmental." -Walt Whitman

The first month is always the hardest

It has been one month since my last diet coke and since Bryanne left for spain. I'm happy to report that my withdrawal headaches are gone and I have not become a total hermit.

It's official, I can survive anything.

 

Quote of the Day:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -Buddha

As if I needed another reason to love IKEA

If you don't find this to be funny we probably can't be friends.

Quote of the Day:

"I was sent here to change the world. The world will not change me." -Elder L. Tom Perry

Marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

In the past month not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 of my friends have become engaged. Yes, thats right FOUR engagements in a month. Yikes. Along with the news of these engagements came some interesting reactions from my end. I was quite excited when I heard about friend #1, thrilled actually. I couldn't wait to help pick out her dress, throw her a bridal shower, etc etc. When I heard about friend #2 I was happy for her albeit not nearly as happy as I was for friend #1. I found out about friend #3 through facebook and I felt absolutely no emotion what so ever. The news of friend #4's engagement came through a text message. I heard my phone beep, pulled it out and there on my screen were the words "I'm ENGAGED!" If I hadn't been out in public at the time I probably would have screamed. I was downright angry  about the whole thing. A simple "Congratulations" was all I could force myself to send back. I know, I know, I sound like a terrible friend and human being. I have been affectionately (at least I think so) referred to as an "Ice Princess" by members of my family and friends of the family for as long as I can remember and my bitterness towards my engaged friends proved that nickname to be a perfect fit. 

I continued on being angry and bitter for about a week and felt completely justified in doing so. I mean, these girls are 19! They still live with their parents! Their parents still pay for everything! I was convinced that they were rushing into this hugely important and life changing step and giving up the chance to do all sorts of things that single people who don't have anyone tying them down can do. I was too busy focusing on reasons why they shouldn't be getting married and telling myself that they must have gone nuts to realize why I was behaving the way I was. Well, I didn't have to make this realization for myself- my brother did it for me. Last night I made a comment about everyone getting married and instead of ignoring me like he usually does, Tanner blurted out "Brooke, you're just jealous. Get over it." And he was totally 100% correct. Of course I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was right so I just told him to be quiet and stormed out of the room. But yes, Tanner was right. I, Brooke Bond, the ice princess, am jealous. 

 

There's a part in the movie Wayne's World where Garth asks Wayne what he would do if he felt like puking every time he saw the woman of his dreams. Wayne responds with "I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be." I have always used this as my personal guide for finding my future husband (weird? yes. effective? I think so.) If a guy can be totally okay with me throwing up in front of him, or falling over,  or walking into a pole, etc. then he's probably worth my time- believe me, these guys are extremely hard to come by. The fact that four of my friends have found guys like this makes me incredibly jealous. They don't ever have to face life alone or have to deal with the terrors  of dating again. And what I said earlier about them not being able to do all sorts of things that single people can do, totally not true. They are lucky enough to have found someone to do all those wonderfully exciting things with. And all before they hit 20!

 

So yes, I'm jealous. Does that mean I'll be walking down the aisle anytime soon? Highly unlikely. But at least I'm no longer the ice princess who is completely opposed to the idea :) 

Quote of the Day:

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion." -Gordon B. Hinckley 

And so it begins...

Hello There! I'm Brooke :) Welcome to my blog! I wish I could tell you that if you come back often and read what I have to say your life will be changed for the better and that all my future posts will be thought provoking and enlightening. I really, really wish I could tell you that. But, unfortunately doing so would make me a liar. I did not create this blog with the intention of filling it with deep and serious matter (let's be honest, I am not a deep and serious individual), nor do I plan to fill it with accounts of my daily comings and goings or with pictures of myself (mainly because doing so would confirm to many that I am an extremely boring person and I'm not all that good to look at). So hopefully I can find a happy medium, somethings serious and some not so serious that will satisfy the majority. So come back often, leave comments (both positive and negative... I live for constructive criticism) and remember to smile :) 

Quote of the Day:

"All life is an experiment."- Walt Whitman